Thursday, 14 April 2011

CHAPTER 69 - tazkiyah ( heart serene)

studies in tazkiyah (penyucian) - a HEART SERENE

it was a double degree weekend program under almaghrib. was held at University Malaya on 1 2 3 and 9 10 April . seriously a great program that made me experience a lot of things especially about my heart and my soul and my greatest enemy aka syaitan..

but, it was more than that actually..meeting new friends from different range of ages and status , they are seriously amused me with their desires to clean themselves from sins, gain knowledge, their kindness and their iman towards ALLAH..and yes, the cute little babies there made me felt sangat geram..but i shy to hold them..if my adik is here, da lame i cubit2 dy .

and this sheikh , sheikh riad ourzazi , i never meet someone like him . gives every lectures with his tears rolling down because of his fear of ALLAH . he is really energetic and funny . may ALLAH bless him always . (already miss him)

this heart serene program is not free . it fee cost rm350 . sound materialistic . is it? hear my story

i first heard about this program from laila . on that tym , i was at home , remember about my leg that was terseliuh during netball game and sampai sekarang still bengkak lagi? yeah, because of that .(mane taknye nak baik kalo asyik berjalan jep keje) i seriously damnly wanna go to , but when i heard the price is rm350 , i felt so sad . i dun have enough money . yes , my elaun is rm430 , minus rm350 , rm 80 for a month? gilaaaa . nak mintak mak ayah , think like unpatutable . my dad is not a cop duit worker and my mom , upah jahit baju bape la sangat (except during eid day , haha) . 

few days before the heart serene program started , sheikh riad came to our uni to give talk about before i say - i do . basically about marriage and that was first tym i met him and fall in love with his way in giving talk . therefore , the desire to go to the heart serene program became bigger and bigger and my sadness became more deeper and deeper because i can't go . isk .

i called my mom and asked her about this . she said " mak tade duit la dik nak bagi . baju nak jahit tu banyak tapi dorang amik tym nak raye . tapela dik . suruhla laila share ngan adik ilmu tu . ta payahla pegi . baik2 nak pergi cari ketenangan , hati adik ta tenang pikir pasal duit ." i pause . yes , she was right . my heart is not calm thinking about money . i said " tapela mak, bukan rezeki adik . "

i know she must be very sad because cannot fulfill my desire . im very sorry mom. so , i decided not to enroll this program .

night of 1st April , this heart serene program has free lectures . so , on that evening , laila , dil2 , and i went to UM by ktm and taxi . a very long journey , UM is seriously big and we lost . haha . long story , dun feel wanna story .

the talk is about what is heart serene program . after the talk , the MC said " if anyone has financial problem , please let us know . don't miss this great program ." i felt like , oh this is my chance .

so , nervously , i went to the registration booth and said that i wanna enroll this program but i dun have enough money . i said to the sisters that i can pay rm200 for this month and the rest next month . kak fara and kak sara are really kind and i am touched for their kesungguhan to help me  . 

kak sara asked me " are u committed with this ? "

doubtly i said " yes . "

she said , "tomorrow , u come to enroll and i will talk to the amir about you . make sure you come because we are struggling for this . "

i senyum pahit . i don't know why suddenly i felt ta sedap hati like , i was not chose the right decision .

"insya ALLAH , i 'll come . but i need to ask my mom first "

she said " ok, pray hard for this " she smiled . even she wear niqab but i know she is smiling .

nervously i call my mom again , tell her about this again and she said " mak ta kisah . adik jimat2 la kat sane . ta cukup duit cakap ngan mak ."

happy and terharu . i never thought it was this easy . i thought my mom will say the same thing again . time kasih mak . ALHAMDULILLAH , ALLAH made it easy for me .

on that night , i did my istikharah prayer and hope i made the right choice . im telling you that if you feel very uneasy , uncalm for the choices that you have to choose , or anything that make you mess up ,do istikharah . insya ALLAH , u will find the way . believe me .

tomorrow morning , i met kak fara  . she said ," just registered first . i didn't manage to call amir last night ." it was ok la as long as i can join this program . and on sunday ,kak fara interviewed me she said that i got half scholarship , which means , i only have to pay rm175 for the program . ALHAMDULILLAH

"...sesungguhnya ia mudah bg sesiapa yang dimudahkan oleh ALLAH..." (hadis sohih)

see , it was not a materialistic program . the material given and the sheikh is awesome . worth to pay it .

great appreciation for tasnim and suhaila , my friends at KISAS aka my classmates , for tumpangkan i kat their room yang best .

for more info about almaghrib ' s program , please visit almaghrib (skema)

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